It started out quite on the downside when someone took it upon themselves to treat me badly. I just continued to tell myself that people who are rude and disrespectful to others in order to gain some sense of self importance should be pitied and not despised.

I was struggling quite a bit with my feelings on the entire situation of my life currently. I've felt pretty much lost these past few weeks. I know the general direction I want my life to go in, but finding the right way to start going in that direction is what's got me all snagged up.

Today wasn't a bad day, in fact it went pretty well, but I still had that unhappy feeling of "What do I want."

Then, this evening right before I left work, a co-worker of mine was reading an article on the internet. She made a distressed noise, which had me turning around to see what was going on. The article had a picture of a pleasant and handsome looking man, and was written in Korean so I couldn't read the headline.

She explained to me with a thick seriousness in her voice that a famous Korean actor/musician had committed suicide last night.

It can never be explained... the sadness you can feel for another person, someone you don't even know.

I've never seen his movies, I don't recall ever hearing his music, and really... I didn't even know of him at all. But, standing behind my co-worker, staring over her shoulder at the picture of this smiling man, knowing that last night when I was thinking of all my hardships he was ending his life... I felt very sad, and completely ashamed of myself.

Isn't my life good? Don't I have a beautiful healthy family? Don't I have a healthy body and amazing opportunities? Don't I have the freedom and ability to do what I want to do? Don't I have all of these things? Then how can I sit for even one minute and feel unhappy about anything?

I walked home from work tonight knowing that somewhere people were grieving the loss of their son, their brother, their family, and their friend. I prayed for them, and all of the hearts that are aching from loss.

I prayed that all of the smiles that I was seeing would last, and be more frequent than any tears. And then I prayed for every single person in the world who is considering ending something that's too precious to waste.

You're in my prayers too, whoever you are.

Let's continue to be happy, love one another, and reach out to others.

Until next time,

~A.

Rest forever in the arms of God, Park Young Ha.

News Story: Park Young Ha suicide at the age of 33.