Why The Cowboys Won't Win The Superbowl This Year

With the Hall of Fame game kicking off last night, I am happy to announce that football season is officially here!  Sure, it's only preseason, but it's football.  Watching the NFL in high definition in the comfort of my own home during normal hours is one of the biggest things I was looking forward to after my time in Korea.  It just wasn't the same watching my beloved Dolphins at 3 o'clock in the morning every week in Korea.

I love the Dolphins.  One of my favorite NFC teams is the Cowboys because two of my brothers love em.  I hate to break this news to you loyal Cowboy fans, but there's absolutely no way that Dallas can win the Superbowl this year.  Here's why:

Everyone knows that if you date a Kardashian, you are going to win the Superbowl.  Exhibit A:  Reggie Bush dates Kim Kardashian and the New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl.

Dallas Cowboy wide receiver Miles Austin is now dating a Kardashian.  Kim, to be exact.  This automatically eliminates the Saints from hoisting the Lombardi Trophy.  You would think this would be a good sign for the Cowboys, right?

The thing is, no starting quarterback of a team that has a line of clothing at Wal-Mart has ever won the Superbowl.  Here's a picture of Dallas quarterback Tony Romo's line of clothing at Wal-Mart.  Sorry Cowboy fans.  Maybe next year.