In a follow-up to the original Yonhap story, the Korean Immigration Service has clarified its intentions in awarding citizenship to ‘talented foreigners’. “Nobel prize laureates as well as accomplished scholars, entertainers and entrepreneurs” will be given priority, as will world-class soccer players and intelligence collection experts.

Photo credit: Joongang Daily

The statement, released by Immigration, was only in Korean; this intrepid reporter translated the relevant parts into English:

• “To be an entrepreneur, you must first have enough money to retire. That will allow you to get started in Korea’s business market, where paying bribes and buying expensive real estate is part of the business culture. Also, they’ll be required to throw a hoesik, or after-dinner alcohol party, at least once a week. Failure to do so would constitute an unfair business advantage, and may throw the entire economy of Korea into jeopardy.”
• “To be an accomplished scholar, you first need to plagiarize your work from another language. If you’re unable to read or copy from other languages, you can always make up your research.”
• “To be eligible for the ‘entertainer’ citizenship priority, you must be willing to sleep, drink, and dance with the executives of the entertainment company you’re hired by. This is considered your audition, as actual talent is not required.”
• “To be eligible for the intelligence collection citizenship priority, you must be able to take candy from a baby. While some of our past operatives have tried spying on friendly countries looking to buy our technology, taking candy from babies is not yet part of their abilities.

While the honor of being a Nobel prize laureate speaks for itself, one Korean netizen was angry. “How dare my country bring in unqualified teachers!”, the anonymous blogger was quoted as saying.

This is satire, although every link reminds us that these stories happen from time to time.

© Chris Backe – 2011

This post was originally published on my blog ,Chris in South Korea. If you are reading this on another website and there is no linkback or credit given, you are reading an UNAUTHORIZED FEED.