Punishments: the Boring and the Brilliant

**Note: This post will not mention serious or physical punishments in schools**

Punishment in my school is as fickle and ever-changing as the fashions favoured by my co-teachers. Last semester they were all over a ‘lines’ type of thing where students had to fill an A4 sheet of tiny boxes with either English or Korean words, often whilst sitting outside the office and sometimes whilst holding themselves in an uncomfortable looking plank position. I think that this punishment is called ‘bekbeggi’, or something vaguely along those badly transliterated lines, and a few months ago I could not go one class without the co-teacher flapping squared paper menacingly in the students’ faces within ten minutes of the lesson beginning.

Sometimes, with the punishment completed, disgraced students would sheepishly enter the English Office and present me with sheet upon sheet of meticulously filled boxes forming words like ‘helicopter’ or ‘water bottle’, copied over and over until I could see the very point at which their will to live evaporated. They would hand me the pile of papers and whilst I would say a polite “thank you” or “well done” I would actually be wondering why this mind-screwingly dull punishment had been administered in my name, and exactly what the purpose of it was…other than leaving the poor boys with a lifelong aversion to helicopters and water bottles, of course. God forbid they should ever have to drink from a water bottle whilst riding in a helicopter, who knows what might happen.

(Artist’s impression)

This semester, bekbeggi is old hat and is very rarely employed as a corrective measure. Instead there has been a huge surge in popularity for the hand-written apology letter, in my classes at least. Basically this is exactly as it sounds: whenever a student does something particularly aggravating he is ordered by the Korean teacher to write me a letter by the next day, detailing his classroom crime, apologising for it and vowing not to become a repeat offender. Needless to say, given the generally low level of my students and their propensity for violence and bad behaviour, I’m racking up letters like they’re going out of fashion…which they probably are. Hey guys, remember that time in the first paragraph when I made a fashion/punishment metaphor? Sigh.

I keep all of the letters in a portion of my desk I like to call the ‘Remorse Drawer’ and today, for your pleasure and to alleviate my boredom, I shall open it wide like a Pandora’s Box of bad grammar and false promises. Enjoy, and if you find yourself thinking that these little monsters are ‘adorable’ or ‘cute’, slap yourself and think again. Do not be drawn in by their questionable handwriting and overwhelming use of “sorry TEACHAAAAAA!!” and remember above all else that these little clowns have been learning English for over 10 years.

To set some context, the largest collection of letters I have come from class 2-4, the set of unholy terrors I dread teaching again the moment their class finishes. It doesn’t help that there’s bloody loads of them (40, I think) and the co-teacher I have with them is newly qualified and atrocious at keeping them in any kind of order. During their last class I asked her why 70% of them were not following the lesson in their textbooks only to be told “Oh, they did not bring their books today”. Upon asking why they had decided not to bring their textbooks to class, “I don’t know. Let’s move on”. Yes, let’s. Let’s move on to the lesson that is almost entirely textbook based at the behest of the school, shall we?

So far during this class’ weekly lesson I have experienced students standing on desks mid-lesson, I have seen them stand up and walk across the room to talk to their friends as I am conducting a listening exercise, I have almost had my Macbook destroyed by a bottle of water launched from the back of the room and I have had to exercise all of my self restraint to not choke a student to death with a recorder after he starting playing it as I was speaking. I have also had a 40,000 won computer cable (accidentally left in their classroom for a few hours) stolen, causing me great personal stress and a still-burning inner fury. In short, I hate class 2-4.

This particular week, the week before the exams, the students simply decided that they did not want or need my lesson. They shouted, screamed, swore, yelled and threw things until I gave up entirely, thinking that my sanity would be too high a price to pay for the satisfaction of completing the lesson. The next day, the letters started to trickle in.

Letter 1: The Good

Notes:

  • His written English is shockingly good compared to his peers. Clearly his English hagwon teacher does not teach manners along with writing skills.
  • “I guess that teacher is very sad and angry now”. Here, for the first time since I started teaching them class 8 months ago, someone from 2-4 has said something correct.
  • He (accidentally?) insults my teaching through a misapplication of the word ‘hardly’. “Working hard or hardly working, hey Mac?”
  • “I am more sorry than the other time” = the last time my friends and I acted like d-bags in your lesson I was not given any punishment

Letter 2, 3 & 4: The Bad

Notes:

  • Despite my writing ‘Carrie’ on the board every class for a month at the beginning of the semester, it would appear that some students still struggle with it. ‘Carry’ and ‘Carie’ are as close as damnit, but ‘Kerry’ raises an unfortunate likeness to the former Miss Katona, with whom I also share a hometown.
  • “I will not talk to english class. I promise this”. Copying your friend’s work is alive and well, even in heartfelt apology notes.
  • “I’m is be oiut”. Yup, that’s 10 years of English language learning right there. Your guess is as good as mine.

The last letter is from the only student on this list not from 2-4. He is also the only student who’s punishment I prompted (albeit inadvertently) as I discharged him from my class whilst the co-teacher was busy yelling at someone else.

Letter 5: The Brilliant

Notes:

  • “Today I throwed the science book to my classmate” = “Today I threw (10 years, remember) a huge, heavy science textbook at (critical difference) my classmate’s nose at point blank range. If it had reached it’s target as I intended, Soo Jin Teacher would have re-entered the room after naught but two minutes away to discover the inevitable retaliatory fight, a bloodbath and a terribly flustered Guest Teacher”. Now that, my friends, is reading between the lines.
  • “because that class mate makes me so angry”. You’ll notice a distinct lack of apology or remorse here, quite in contrast to the above examples. More advanced, I feel, so well done to you, Sir.
  • This really does beg the question, what was on the paper that was so important? Why was his class mate charged with the task of hiding it under the desk when it clearly meant so much to our protagonist? Why would he opt to delegate in that situation??
  • “However he made me very angry”. Really hammering this point home now, although it was (to me, at least) implied by the fact that he attempted to bludgeon his friend in the head with a large, sturdy object.
  • “I’m sorry about this”. Finally, we reach the apology. Does anyone else get the feeling that he’s apologising more for being caught than for his attempted assault?
  • Fun fact: The author of this note is the only student so far who has dictated his apology aloud to me before shoving it into my hands and scuttling away. Points given for bravery or taken away for lying directly to a teacher’s face?

And that’s it for now I’m afraid. I have 45 minutes to gather my nerves then it’s time for another round with 2-4 after lunch…with any luck there’ll be another collection of letters arriving tomorrow, if they are still in vogue by then.